Life

I wasn't going to post about this because it is a tender issue but a friend of mine passed away on August 10th. It is just very awful because so many people had no idea she was suffering. She was the most lively, entertaining, active, cute, happy, gorgeous girl and had such a presence. I had no clue she had anything going on, but she was dealing with serious postpartum depression and then that snowballed into bipolar disorder. It consumed her; she took her own life. She leaves behind a husband (almost done with med school) and two sweet children: a three-year-old boy and a girl 14 months.



Dealing with what everyone's deemed "baby blues" was at some points almost unbearable for me after having Crosby. I recall one night D had to leave for work and I was rocking Crosby and sobbing to where my face was MELTING off and when he had to leave I CLENCHED on to Croz; he was all I had! I was so so sad because hopelessness crept in. But. I try to imagine an actual disorder where it never leaves you it consistently haunts you. I can't even imagine what horror Amber must have been tortured with... medicine even left her hopeless because... she didn't feel at home with herself either way.

This has sparked such a concern because I know how many women must need help but for so many reasons refuse to get it. I've read and researched online and it said that if you have diagnosed bipolar already and are pregnant or are planning on getting pregnant... get your support system in order and you need CONSTANT support after having that baby because there are high suicide risks. Some women though get postpartum depression which in worst cases turns into postpartum psychosis. This is very dangerous to the mother and the baby because with this too there is such a risk of suicide and infanticide, where they feel they need to kill themselves AND the baby. They have done a few recent studies finding that for some reason a small percentage end up with bipolar after the depression or psychosis like Amber did. I had never heard of depression turning into bipolar or of postpartum psychosis but this is all very interesting to me because it is just so real. These hormones us women have are freakish and they scare me! But we need to make huge strides together as women to help each other. Anyone reading this with ANY problems or thinking they don't feel right PLEASE GET HELP because it is out there for you... talk to each other. Don't be afraid what people think; it doesn't matter. One of the best possible things to do is find other moms who you feel at home with and get yourself out there WITH them because they have problems too. Just talk about it at least. Know everyone deals with these sickening hormones that make us crazy. (It doesn't help that it's that time of the month for me, can ya tell?) Several people after I had Croz asked if I was feeling okay and warned me to make sure that if I am not feeling in my right mind to get help and don't be scared about it. Several people I know dealt with depression and got help for it and those are just the people that have been open about it. Everyone gets their share, but the levels vary greatly. I was fine after I got past my several weeks but if the helplessness lasts and lasts... you know what to do? Make the call to your doc and take it seriously and don't give a second thought "what people might think" because too many women's cries are not being heard.

OKAY! I will stop. I can't bring myself to make this strictly a sad post; I will end on a MUCH (yes I know MUCH MUCH) lighter note... after finishing my popsicle this afternoon I let Croz have the last lick, then it turned into a raspberry-fest, gotta love it.