Crack this Case

If you walked into your bathroom and saw this



And this



Who in the world could have done it?

Apparently the culprit is still sitting on the toilet seat.



Ha! Looks so innocent.



Poor Croz. With the changes around here, all I can compare the feeling and frustration to is what life would be like with a new baby around. Crosby is STARVING for my attention and DEMANDS it constantly. Much of the time, I simply cannot give it to him. I try to limit the "no's" I say throughout the day but no matter how sweet my no is he has to throw something. Or do something that he knows will make me mad. My toes have been squishing anything from peas to Cheerios on the kitchen floor because there is consistently something that has just been hucked across the room or destroyed by Crosby. He just ripped off the cover of my vintage Betty Crocker cookbook. He steals Grandma's cane all the time and hides it. Today in the grocery store right as I was checking out he had a meltdown so the bagger gave him a banana I had just bought, thinking he would love it and Crosby threw it across two checkstands. No joke!



Poor guy has been so sick lately too though; wow he is trying my patience. My mom and I were talking about it a while back and I know she hit it right on the head: someone has come into our home (his own grandma!) and has shaken his little world. And he is jealous and neglected. As horribly frustrating as things have been, I feel so sorry for our baby guy. Part of why I have had such a difficult time is fully knowing how neglected he's been and not being able to do anything about it. I know this challenging time for him and for all of us will cause growth in ways we'll know in the future. 'Til then, watch out for flying bananas.

Bust

Our Christmas was a bit of a bust. Well it was a mix. Lately for us it feels liking nothing short of survival mode, though there are these odd spurts of extremely happy highs mixed in with the lows. I have never felt so anxious, stressed, incomplete, weird, running in circles, short-tempered, insomnia-laden in my entire life. Yet also energetic, satisfied, and overall good. Never felt so day-to-day. I will get through this week if it kills me though. Thanks to my family support, I get to take off for an entire week to be with one of my dearest friends in Washington. If ever there is a recharge, it will be this. Pray I can get through this week with a sick, irritable child on top of caring for my stroke survivor mother-in-law.

Happy New Year to all...

What's That?

Yes I Would Recommend Them!

And I am not even an egg nog person. I "crave" it every once in a blue moon. I've seen these sneak onto the frozen shelves during the holidays for what seems like years now and have never tried them until now... really delicioso!

Holiday Weekend Highlights

Since we can't take Crosby into the hospital/rehab floor, I called on Thursday and asked if there was any way we could arrange for Sabita to see him for a Thanksgiving surprise. They said she's stable enough and the day was warm enough that if we bundled her up we could wheel her down to meet him outside! So since D had to work on T-day, my dad came to help out with Croz. When I went upstairs to get Sabita and told her what was going on, the nurse came around to check her blood pressure (which had been sky-high) before she went out. The nurse said, "Where do you think you're going?" and Sabita started talking a mile a minute. The nurse was like, "Slow down, I can't understand anything you're saying... you must get to see your grandson today."



Amazing to know how children have intuition when it comes to the sensitivity of certain situations; Crosby crawled up on his Granny B's lap, sat completely still, and laid his little arm over hers. He could tell there is definitely a good reason he hasn't seen her for some time. He can sense so much and it astounds me!

I hope everyone had a Happy Thanksgiving! Ours was action-packed and wonderful. We were all sitting there barely able to finish a plateful of food... none of us are used to full meals anymore.

One of the highlights of Thanksgiving is getting to decorate my mom's homemade gingerbread houses. The tradition waned for a few years but now that Cam and fam are back in town, it has become a necessity!



Grant's rock candy specialty



Claire's melange of candy turned out really cute!



And Brig's is... shall we say... very avant garde ;)



For the Gingerbread House: Adult Edition Natalie and Pat kicked things off as they started frantically arranging their Golden Graham shingles



Steve and Danielle just fed each other candy all night; did they ever finish their U of U house?



D and I enlisted Beth's spatula skills to help us construct our oceanfront oasis



Here is our little island mud hut complete with a hammock, beach chairs, banana trees, and a bowl of tropical fruit



Pat & Natalie's finished product... she handcrafted the Christmas tree out of little jelly fruit strings and Pat put his architectural skills to use by custom-building the little fence and lanterns



No one had to remind me that Martha Stewart - I mean Audrey - would come up with nothing less than perfection. I kept calling it the "Jerry Garcia house." So darling with its picnic table and fire pit!



You can tell Jackie's decorating and interior design skills have been put to use lately



On Thanksgiving night, The Sloan girls and my mom and I decided to brave the midnight madness at the Park City outlets. Never ever will it happen again because no deal will ever be good enough for me to stand in line for an hour. I think I stood 20 minutes in the GAP line though.



I can always find something there. What was so exciting though was the anticipation of going as a group, the fact that my MOM actually agreed to go, and that I could shop while Croz was sleeping. Sounded too good to pass up!

Friday morning D and I took C so Sabita could see him again. What a happy grandma :)



It really is sweet how still he stays for her. He also knows that if he is good he will get a wheelchair ride...



We tested our boundaries and wheeled around the lobby for a bit; up and down the hallways. He had lots more fun than it appears:





Sabita's progress is top-notch. Really her recovery seems nothing less than miraculous! We are so grateful for this and happy to see her determined spirit and drive. Yesterday when I went to the hospital during her physical therapy I was in tears. I could not believe the improvement since last week. She is working really hard and wants so badly to get home. They took her feeding tube out 2 days ago and she is swallowing like a pro now.

I have tried to be nothing but positive around her but I definitely am either really high or really low these days. Knowing that I will be her #1 caregiver is a humbling thought but also a completely overwhelming one. We've been told an estimate of her discharge timeframe... about 1 or 2 weeks from today. Although we're ecstatic for her, that means scrambling chaos for us in a way! It's been strange to go from hearing the doctors say she had a very severe stroke and he couldn't promise anything to her coming this far in such a short amount of time. Should we move to her house and plan to live with her forever? Should we convince her to come to our place until we can get what we need to sorted out? Even those two questions alone have been enough to drive me up the wall, let alone the many tasks I (and D) will need to learn: how to check/monitor blood pressure as well as sugar, how to give insulin shots and when, how to cook for a diabetic, how to transport her in a wheelchair, help with baths, etc. I have every desire to take care of her but can I physically be able to tend to the needs of Sabita and Crosby day in and day out? I try not to get too worked up thinking about how we're going to pull all of this off but it's hard not to...

Well my cousin Elese is pregnant! She found out that she will be having a little boy at the end of March. She lives in Wisconsin now but came to visit for Thanksgiving and we threw her a really fun baby shower on Saturday. Her parents didn't want to let her get on the plane home.



When's the last time my aunt Rosy from Texas came to visit? It's been a while! This is kind of a rare photo op...



Crosby got an early Christmas present from Nan and Grandpa



A big month ahead of us!

Changes

Tuesday afternoon of last week I got a phone call from D's mom Sabita. It began as a normal conversation but little did I know it would end with me needing to find a way to get her to the hospital as fast as possible. She mentioned that after eating some lunch she had felt the left side of her face growing tingly and numb. She called one of her best friends Hazel... a 98-year-old neighbor... who sent her grandkids over to check on Sabita.

One of them talked to me on the phone and said they were almost positive that she had experienced a stroke and that there is absolutely no time to lose, get her to the hospital immediately. I was so confused because she had talked normally to me but they said when they got there Sabita was mumbling and couldn't make words out. D rushed out of work to pick her up and took her to the IMC ER.

This has all been such a whirlwind and we keep saying to each other, "I can't believe this has happened," but it is amazing what has happened in just over a week. D's mother is an absolute fighter. The doctor said she had a severe stroke. When the stroke happened, it hit 3 areas of her brain so it is as if she had 3 major strokes on the right lower side of her brain. I could go on and on about the details of last week, but in a nutshell she was in the Neuro Critical Care Unit for 5 days. We were worried, confused, and not feeling as hopeful then. All of this is so new to us and D and I have wanted so badly to be with her at the hospital throughout those days of crisis in order to talk to doctors, nurses, evaluate Sabita... but that's been tough given that someone has to work (D) and someone has to tend to the needs of a 20-month-old (me)! However we have been able to either both of us or one of us be at the hospital each day. My mom and dad have made this possible. Thank you two, we love you so much.

Tuesday of this week Sabita was moved to the rehab floor. The results of the stroke are: she can hardly move her left arm/hand/fingers, her left leg/foot/toes, she has some vision in her left eye affected (still not sure how much), and she still cannot swallow at this point. But here is what is incredible: her speech is top-notch. In the beginning days after this her speech was very slurred and there was some stuttering but last night when D and I went to see her, she looked so so good and we are so so grateful. We know that to some extent she is the one with the will to heal but we also know that it is the prayers flowing from others that has gotten her to this point. Thank you!

There are thousands of thoughts, decisions, feelings, etc. racing through our minds but no action yet because we don't know how long Sabita will be recovering in the hospital. We are feeling hopeful now that it won't be as long as we originally predicted; the doctors can make NO predictions so it is frustrating. Up to this point Sabita was totally self-reliant, living on her own... she is only 60 years old. She does have diabetes and high blood pressure, which contributed to the stroke. But we are pretty sure she won't be allowed to live on her own from here on out so the questions are: will she move in with us or will we move in with her but we can't answer those for a few months. We are just so happy to see her doing so well now!

I still can't get over how her mind/speech have been left intact the way they have. We've understood every word (though sometimes slurred) she said since the day this happened to her. She was even telling us to take out the stinky garbage and to please go buy this Thomas train for Crosby's Christmas present because it won't be on sale at Big Lots much longer! When we asked what she needs from home all she requested were a picture of each grandchild: one of Crosby and one of Eden. She asks us to hand her the pictures, takes them from us, kisses them both, and then lays them on her chest, hugging them to her.

Still in the denial stage a bit. D had taken her to the hospital in her car and when I was going through it I found her clothes wadded up that she had worn the day the stroke happened, along with her tennis shoes. I looked at those shoes and wondered if she'll be able to ever walk again. It makes me sick to my stomach to realize the sheer damage that takes place with a stroke. D was saying how she walked out of the house like normal on the way to the hospital and didn't even lock the screen door because she though she was coming right back. These kinds of things keep circling in my mind and it breaks my heart. We learned that the effects of stroke don't manifest themselves until a day or two after it occurs. However, it is important to stay hopeful. We have every reason to because her recovery seems to be going quite well. She has speech, occupational, activities of daily living, and physical therapists working with her 6 times a day and so we are settling in for the recovery process.

Of course when times of stress like this take place, who doesn't get sick or injured?! Over the weekend Crosby and I got sick and then early this week D tweaked his back and then yesterday I wrenched my neck. Of course! But luckily D and me got the minor stuff... my sore throat and cold lasted literally only two days and D's back is just going to take a week of healing. Crosby is the one we've had trouble with... Monday we found out from an x-ray that he had the early stages of pneumonia. But he's doing so much better now! We now have a new apparatus in our home: a nebulizer. Learning so many new things lately :) But all it is is albuterol solution that he inhales through a mask 3 times a day and then we'll get him checked out next Monday to make sure he's all better.

I will take a short second to brag about my child. He is the most amazing little boy. We love him over the moon and back a million times. He was SO patient with the doctor and then getting the xray and now when we have to do his little treatments all I have to say is, "Croz it's time for your mask!" and he inhales this huge noisy breath of excitement and starts doing this little dance with a HUGE smile on his face. Now I'm thinking it's not the mask he loves but the Thomas shows he gets to watch while "doing his mask." So darling! He is patient, he is sweet, he is adorable, he is funny. We are so lucky that I can't think too much about but rather feel overwhelmingly grateful for how blessed we are to have been given this incredibly special child to love and care for. He is joy beyond joy!

And my parents. I ask my parents to watch Crosby and they don't even blink before saying, "I would love to..." I constantly apologize for "burdening" them but all they can say is how they wouldn't want to be doing anything else. My mom and dad are the most helpful, compassionate, kind people. I love them so much! And I am so glad they are here for Crosby. I know how much they love to spend time with him, but do you guys realize how much he LOOOOVEs to spend time with you?!

So last night I had to snap a pic because Granny B had wanted us to take her balloons home from the hospital for C to play with and so I picked out this fish one for him and last night he was screaming with pleasure while playing with it. Then it was time for his mask but he would NOT let go. I usually hold him on my lap while we do this but I set him there and he just sat there, kept his little mask on, and held tighter than ever to that balloon while watching his show.



He has been SO cooperative and sweet, what a doll!

And then yesterday we were on an errand and Croz was playing with an old cell phone that my parents gave him. I had my camera in my purse so I whipped out a video while driving; yes I was careful and you can tell from the video that I was def. watching the road but I love hearing the inflections in his voice and watching his little mannerisms when he's talking on the phone.



Times like these... when a loved one's life or health is compromised... never fails to cause lots of thinking, lots of reflection. Please think of the people you love the most and express your love to them now. Life changes moment to moment. Also it has made us rethink our habits of health. It is so important to stay active, number one. I know some health issues can't be avoided, but this has made me want to go for a walk or run each day to keep that blood flow movin'! Just makes you want to take good care of yourself and the people close to you.

Love to all and thanks to all who have been offering help and expressing concern. It means so much!

Leaves

Freshly-fallen Autumn leaves are one of those smells I would bottle if I could. That spicy mysterious smell. I do love it. Raking leaves takes it out of you though. As close as I am to complaining about raking once again this fall, I'll keep my mouth shut. On this kind of a glorious day it would be like a hex. See why I want to complain though?



I just threw the last few bags on top of this monster of a pile... there are at least 23 bags, with 10 before that which have already been picked up. And we had the original 10 sliced by some kids so we had to do those all over again!

Today is a very special D-Day: my Nan's, who passed away in '97. It has been so long but still I remember and miss my grandmother so much. She died way too young. In a poem I wrote about her back in high school one of the lines was, "... so on a calm November 4th there were golden leaves and sun..." the day she died was one exactly like this. So beautiful! Miss you so Nan.



Also I am missing Pops; he died in '06 on November 14th. I looked at this laceleaf tree today in our yard and imagined myself looking at them with him, touching the leaves (he landscaped the yard and had a love affair with laceleafs). I had a moment to myself and I could hear his voice. I had a little conversation with him. I told him that they looked electric orange and then literally choked on a lump in my throat and started crying. I miss him!



A couple of weeks back we had a raking party at Grandma Beck's. Many hands make light work, even when those hands are itty-bitty. My darling niece and nephews ages 6 and under helped out a lot!



Time out for pogo lessons, thanks Auds



You had to stand in line to try it out



Crosby needs one for Christmas I think!



Here's my Grandma Beck with the rakers



The sad thing is that it is already time to go rake some more!



My friend Karin has been in town waiting for her visa to get back with her 18-month-old to her hubby in England. Yesterday was her birthday and so we went to eat at Happy Sumo with her sister-in-law Anna. Lucky I had a cupcake at home left over from Sunday dinner. I don't think she cared about the 2-day-old baked goods, it was celebration time!



Karin and I both had recently gotten pedis, so we had to show them off :0)



Here's the best part. She thought she might have to wait one or two months longer to get her visa but she talked to someone yesterday and they said it's in the mail, WOHOOOOOO! What a birthday present, eh?



Thanks for the fun night girls. And thank you SO much Mom and D for wrangling the boys.