Ready or Not, Here Comes 2011

... Ready!

Any complaints I'd have for 2010 would be me scraping for something to whine about... the year has been mighty good to us... safety, peace, healthy baby, happy family... who could ask for more?

However, I don't know if I've ever hit the last week of December and not found the idea of a new year very enticing!

Especially when I'm spending day in, day out with these two:



Can't wait to see what's in store.

Here comes my melange of holiday pictures (even before the holidays are over!)

Eden and I had to document twin pants. I love her.



Brad and Lennox seem to be bonding



Got to spend some quality time with Milo... talk about infectious smile! And he is crawling EVERYWHERE!



After weeks of good intentions, D and I never got around to that magical Trolley Square Santa we were told about. So day before Christmas Eve Lindsay and I toted the four kids and I snapped what I later found out to be an off-limits photo. Santa's giving me demon eyes. However, it was magical for Croz to meet Santa and officially tell him he would like a garbage truck for Christmas!



I constantly remind myself through thoughts and prayers how lucky I am to have two incredible people for parents! They are the BEST Nan and Grandpa! So blessed to have them in my life.



Here's Lennox on Christmas morning around 5:30 am, so willing to fall prey to the Santa suit! This guy is my Boogaloo. Whatever that's supposed to mean, he is. He is my joy. He is also an intuitive little boy because Christmas Eve I enjoyed a FULL SIX HOUR stretch of sleep, uninterrupted. Counting sleepless nights of pregnancy + nightly feedings since his arrival, I can truthfully say I haven't slept an uninterrupted six hours since last February! Merry Christmas to me from Lennox, now I can conquer the world ;)



Christmas Eve dinner at my parents'. An unforgettable steak dinner - so wonderful!



Croz & Luce on Christmas



Adult games



Kid games



After Crosby opened presents and we were headed out, D and I attempted to allow one toy on Crosby's lap in the car, but he insisted on holding his HUGE garbage truck too!



Christmas night at the lights downtown. (Croz unzipped his new winter coat in the WalMart parking lot without me noticing; it is lost forever. Glad I found something to bundle him up in until we can find a new coat-)



D went for a run Christmas morning so he wasn't there when Croz woke up. I had to stall for him to open presents and I'll never forget that short space of time we spent together; lights on the tree were the only lights on... soft against his face... looking surprised that Santa really did come... talking about ornaments and the birth of Christ... he is my darling, sweet baby guy always!



First family (of four) pic ever!



I am not one to make New Years' resolutions, though I have no problem with resolutions in general. It is nice to think about, but I would be silly to think the new year ones are any different than the perpetual push I have to maintain a balanced life. A balance of happy times and sad, times to learn and times to enjoy what I already know, staying healthy, staying grounded spiritually, spending time with husband, friends, children, family... all the while recognizing the abundance of blessings we enjoy...

Happy Holidays to all who read this! We treasure our loved ones and wish you a Wonderful & Happy New Year!

R.I.P.

The time has finally come to part with our beautiful black futon. Yes it happens to be the ugliest, nastiest-looking thing on the face of the earth, but... it's been part of our family for the 8+years D and I have been married. It was our best snuggle spot ever. As you can see in the picture, D salvaged the comfort level by adding a foam pad here and there, and we never dreamed of parting with it because it fit us so perfectly. A few nights ago though it fell victim to Crosby's throwup episode and try as we did to clean it, let's just say it is no longer allowed in our living space. After a little mourning period, I know we won't be too bent out of shape to start looking for an actual couch!



Obviously I'm a new mom... not enough sleep... but last night gave "Rest In Peace" a whole new meaning. After maybe two hours of combined sleep, I hear Crosby scream at 4 am, only to find him covered in throwup on his bed :( He has had this flu for around 6 days now, our poor baby guy. D and I spent an hour-ish giving him a bath, clean-up, new sheets, do the laundry. Back to bed at 5. Lennox squirms at 5:15. Erggggghhh!!! I feel sooo bad for Croz but I can't be a very helpful mother with ZERO sleep. So. Really what I want to say is that I am VERRRRRY grateful for something that is worth its weight in gold. My eyemask.



This is how I look on the weekends, walking around the house like a weirdo sleepless Indian chief. Sometimes I forget it is on my head. The routine is D takes the boys for as long as they'll last while I try to get some shut-eye. I love our HUGE windows in our room but once daytime hits, light fills the room and I can't sleep. I have to say that this dinky little mask (I think I found it in an airplane kit from YEARS ago) has saved my sleep life time and again. It was plastered to my eyes countless first-trimester mornings where I was sick as a dog and sunlight was making me uber-sick, the time D and I had to sleep on the floor of the Singapore airport, etc. etc. It is one of my most prized possessions! Now all I need for Christmas are earplugs :)

What's Next?!

Crosby has been waking up at 6 am consistently enough that it's got me a little worried. He quietly makes an entrance into our room and shows up by the side of our bed, usually saying, "Hi Mommy. Hi Daddy. What can we do? I just woke up."

Hmmm.

Around 6:30 am when I finally pull my sleep-deprived self out of bed he's saying, "Let's jump, Mom, come on!" I cringe as I think about the downstairs tenants trying to find their happy place.

The other night I had Croz in the tub and was tidying up in the other room when I hear him yell, "Mom.... WHAAAT's NEEXXXT?! What's next, Mom?"

Should we wrestle? Should we color? Should we find something to do? Should we watch my puppet show? Should we go to Nan's house? Should we call Daddy? Should we sit in my thinking chair? Should we should we should we. And if I don't respond right away, am helping Lennox, using the bathroom, or what have you I usually get hit with one of Crosby's signature whines or screams until I bristle and yell out of frustration, "Crosby, what do you NEED?" And he responds with (real) tears in his eyes, "You."

It got to me the first few times but after reminding myself I can't possibly appease him every second I've tried to not feel too guilty about our one-on-one time being limited to almost zero.

The other day I bundled him up, sent him outside with a wooden spoon, and crossed my fingers for it to last even 10 minutes.



I should have known better... he LOVED it! So what's been our missing link? The great outdoors.



Wow do we miss summer/fall... even just if I could take them on a walk it would help so much! I just don't feel good about taking Lennox out in the cold/inversion yet. So Croz will have to settle for solo playtime on the patio. And way too much time in the house.



...while I steal some precious one-on-one Lennox time. I really do feel like I have to secretly ooh and ahh over my precious newborn because I know Croz is getting sick of me DOTING all day long over this little one. I try to be mindful of it, but it is tough.



Hopefully things will level out someday soon where I don't have to be on poor Crosby's tail all day. I want him to feel happy and know how much I adore him too. Until then though he's on his own a lot of the time, just Croz and a pile of BBQ chips. best. mom. ever.

Cheap Thrills

How is it possible that Lennox has already begun goo-ing and smiling????!!



I kiss his cheeks so much that I'm surprised he still has them on his face. He gives us so much joy it is ridiculous.



Love these boys to PIECES.

Lennox's Story

Wednesday October 6th I had gotten in a car accident after someone ran a red light and felt miserable while waiting 2 hours for the police to arrive... there was no trauma to my abdomen but my head and neck were hurting and I was feeling stressed so I'll always be wondering if that kickstarted my labor. Of course I have to acknowledge how thankful I am that no one involved in the accident got hurt and that Crosby wasn't in the car with me!

That being said, I had told myself I would record Lennox's birth story on the blog but I find myself turning to good old-fashioned writing when it comes to things like that, and made sure I had my memory of the ordeal safely and promptly written in my journal before I forgot too many details! So I will give a shortened version of how Lennox came into the world...

D and I had a belated anniversary dinner on Friday the 8th... just a low-key night, when we were done D picked Crosby up from my parents' while I went to Sabita's to give her her eye drops (after having cataract surgery). While I was at her place standing in her living room 10 pm-ish I had these menstrual crampy feelings and just overall felt like I needed to rest. When I got home, D and I finished our movie and were in bed around midnight. I was awoken around 1 am with STRONG enough menstrual crampiness that I couldn't fall asleep. Then at 2 am I began with squeezing slicing pains down lower than low. They started out 5 minutes apart. These were the exact same pains I endured for THREE DAYS with Crosby, along with getting turned away from the hospital twice, so I was bound and determined to tough this out. I kept running to the bathroom with diarrhea too. The pains only got worse. After hanging onto our bed rails for dear life trying to sleep through them, I broke into tears and was saying things like, "I can't do this," and "PLEASE STOP!!!" Told D what was going on and he was completely out of it. I should know better... should have been gripping onto HIM for dear life; that would have woken him up. I drew myself a bath but it did nothing for the pain. I threw clothes on and by now the towel bar and bathroom wall were my best friend as I was gripping the bar and smacking the wall HARD through contractions and seriously though I might die. I went to D again in tears and said, "I can't do this," he said we really need to call the hospital, I grabbed the phone from him, had 2 contractions that I couldn't talk through while on phone w/the nurse, and she said you should get in here. D called my mom to come be w/ Croz and in the meantime I had stopped timing contractions because they were coming so fast it almost seemed as if there wasn't even a break between them. I started shaking and became drenched in sweat and once again said to myself I am going to die. I couldn't sit anymore, I had to stand... little noises were involuntarily sneaking out, like little yells of pain. I thought I had an infection the way I was shaking and hot. Something I'll never forget about this experience is how I became COMPLETELY drawn inward. I could NOT look at anyone or anything. Couldn't talk, only breathe as if it would save my life. Once my mom showed up I had 3 contractions from the living room out to the truck and we were off to the hospital for the most wicked ride of my life, I'll spare those details, then down to the ER and they wheeled me up to the delivery room and I felt this bit of a pop and then a trickle during the few steps to the bathroom. 2 more contractions as I squeezed the life out of the nurse's hand and a big pop and my water broke all over the bathroom floor! The nurse was saying, "I really need to check you," so up on the bed and I was a 9. I couldn't believe my ears but at the same time I could. The nurse phoned the doc and told me I had to hold this baby in 'til doc arrived and I for probably the 120th time told myself I will die as she held my eyes with hers and made me mimick her quick breathing. It felt an eternity but we arrived at the hospital at 6:50 am and I had Lennox at 7:38! D arrived a minute or two after the doc... she said, "Don't you have a husband?!" as he had to park the truck and sign some papers, and I said I don't care it's go time and then he walked in and I was so happy and after lots of pressure, pain, and pushing I felt a tiny warm and waxy little body against my chest. I kept kissing his little waxy lips and they made my lips waxy :) All I could keep saying to him was, "I love you so much, I'm so glad to see you, I'm so glad you're here!" I was completely exhilarated. I immediately felt from him this wash of calm. He was SO calm and sweet. I loved that they had me breastfeed him right away; he knew exactly what to do and it was so great. I didn't get to with Croz and I'll always be left wondering if that's why we had so much trouble with feeding.

Anyway, D and I were beside ourselves happy. It is incredible what having a baby does to you. So happy. When my parents brought Croz into the room, he looked around and found his brother all by himself up in the little bassinet. He did this double-take smile, the cutest thing, and said, "It's my baby brother!" He has been nothing but sweet and kind towards Lennox since. How he is towards me is another (emotional) story, but I'll spare those details because he loves his bro and that's what matters :)

You can tell how thoroughly Croz washed his hands... all the way up to the elbow... showing Lennox his new dozer...



The time in the hospital flew by, and so have these 3 weeks. Days with a newborn and 2-yr-old are like a revolving door. But it is all a wonderful thing and as hard as some days are I am motivated by the fact that it will not be this way forever; transition phase has to pass. D had a week and a half with us and it was time well-spent; we enjoyed every second together as a family.



This is the look I get from Croz a lot. He is being a trooper though and dealing with the change and lack of attention from me the only way he knows how. When I got the costume box out to figure out Halloween the other day I found out that he likes to dress up! He wanted to wear my pirate shirt and was having a ton of fun being Captain Hook until I told him to smile for the camera :) We have lots of good times ahead and are very very grateful for our blessings and this new sweet boy.



HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

He's Here!

Lennox Kanti Barua arrived 1 week early... Saturday October 9th, 2010... 6 lbs 15 oz... 19 inches... dearer to our hearts than you can imagine.



Stay tuned for details :)

Canyon Weather

We have been making up for some summer things we didn't get to, like going up Millcreek!



At one point we all stopped gabbing for a second to listen to Davis and Croz telling each other passionately about garages and trucks. They were chattin' it up for 2 year olds! It was so cute.



Crosby was so excited to find a "woosting stick" in the woods and absolutely loved roasting marshmallows; first time!



Grateful for our outdoorsy friends :)



Croz went the whole summer with no sunglasses, but that's because I knew he wouldn't wear them. We finally bought him some though because he's been complaining how bright the sun is in the car. Headed up the canyon on a Sunday.



Silver Lake is kind of our spot.



So picturesque!



Jess secretly flew into town and she and Steph surprised me, just sitting on the couch the other morning. I have the best friends! So of course we kicked things off with a bang... dinner and games and picture-taking and then looking like this at around midnight.



Jess is in town for 2 or so more weeks, so we'll see if she catches a glimpse of the new baby. He is a trooper, this baby... Croz and I met Codi and Luce at the zoo Friday afternoon and once I got home my body became an involuntary magnet to the couch. So D took care of the night's happenings as I began to grow this literal sickness in my belly; it kept getting worse. Once being on all fours didn't alleviate the horrible feeling, I went to bed only to 5 minutes later be in the bathroom throwing up what seemed like years of my life. It was sitting on the toilet with diarrhea while holding the garbage can throwing up I don't even know how many times, all night until around 5 am. At 3 am when there was nothing coming out either end but what tasted like stomach bile I started to worry a bit that my body STILL needed to get rid of... anything else. Being 38 weeks pregnant and not having felt the baby move for a long time I started to flip a bit. I hopped online and got lots of hits on flu + 38 weeks where there was plenty of history of women getting the flu or flu-like symptoms as early labor, as it is the body's way to cleanse the system right before birth. Aha! I figured our little guy's on his way, just hang in there. Especially when the aches crept up on Saturday: it was like hips, butt, thigh, and menstrual-crampy aches. I so thought I was giving birth this weekend! Nope. NASTY flu. Well my abs couldn't have handled it anyway. Thanks D for toting countless bags of you-know-what out to the garbage all night and Cloroxing every time I asked. And for D, my dad, and Cam giving me a blessing because I know it worked. I am SO grateful to be back in function mode so quickly. Whew.